Bruises from Bullies

There is this song that I listened to as a kid, it says "I think about every moment that I can remember." 

I do this alot. I just sit and think about all the memories that I have. This mostly explains why I bust out laughing while walking home DAILY! I am pretty sure that everyone I pass thinks that I am totally mental. But until I am attacked by two men with a straight jacket I won't worry too much about it. Anyway, I think about elementary school during my reminiscent moments. I remember so many things that were only significant to me. 
I remember how hard it was for me to learn to read (sometimes I still randomly add letters to words). I remember when we read Mr. Popper's Penguins and we got to take home the penguin for a week. I remember how mad I was when our student teacher let Matt Stewart take it home for keeps! I hope Matt still has that penguin! I also remember when slam books were popular in fifth grade. I remember when I made an enemy, hurt her feelings, and she never seemed to forgive me. I remember in high school when I managed to find medium ground. I wasn't popular, but I was liked by pretty much everyone. I found friends that liked me for me and we proceeded to have a blast for four years!  Freshman year I got suspended (I should write that story up someday...it is golden!), sophomore year we had a snowball fight during french class, junior year I found a love for American history, senior year my friends and I made a catapult that took second prize in our physics competition. 
Looking back on my life the great moments far out weight the bad! 

This week I have talked to alot of people about bullying, which is our topic for the today. I can say with certainty that at some point every child who interacts with...anyone will be physically, verbally, or cyber bullied. In a study done in 2009 it was found that 20.8% of sampled children had been physically bullied, 53.6% had been verbally bullied, 51.4% had been socially bullied, and 13.6% had been electronically bullied within the last 2 months (Wang, 2009). The bruises from bullies are not always visible. Many are the product of rude comments and hurtful teasing. They are under the surface, but they are real. 

I was talking to my Mom this week about bullying. I recited some of the hurtful things that I did, were done to me, and were done to my friends while I was growing up. She asked me if she should have stepped in during some of the targeted rudeness. I thought for a moment and explained that I probably would have been picked on even more if my Mom had come in and made a big deal about it. I don't think that a parent needs to transform into a lioness and start attacking when anyone wounds their cub. 

However, I do think that parents need to discuss bullying with children. Even before they really understand what "bullying" really means. Talk to them about these things so that they understand and  cope when the situation arises. It WILL. In some way, some day, to someone it will happen! The bruises from bullies can be deep and long lasting if a child is unable to cope with the situation properly. 

I found this website about bullying very helpful! 

The general idea is this: 

Talk about it!
It is important to discuss these things BEFORE they are a problem.

Keep communication open.
I would like to add: ask specifically about bullying! My Mom has been my best friend ever since I can remember. Yet I didn't really tell her about the hurtful things that happened as school to myself or friends. ASK questions and probe! Sometimes we don't tell anyone, because once spoken it doesn't not seem to hold the same value that it did before. This is all the more reason to ask questions. It can be therapeutic to talk things out, but to do make light of something that was significant to the other person. Your child may not wish to talk about bullying because they fear that you will not understand the magnitude of hurt this cause. 

Model Kindness 
I think this is really important. Make sure that children get positive reinforcement, so that the negative reinforcement received through other pathways will not surpass the positive. 

I don't feel that the hurtful things that have been said to me during the years have surpassed the good reinforcement that I received from family and friends. But I do remember these things and they have had an impact on me. Maybe these things taught me to be kind to others, to notice when someone was treated unkindly, and most of all to rectify any wrongs.

Teach kindness, show kindness, and ask!

Really quickly I would like to touch on the recipient of the hurt. If you feel offended, talk to someone and then let it go. Don't let someone ruin your happiness. You deserve to be happy! 

This week, find ways to build people up and heal the bruises from bullies!

Let's change the world one heart at a time!          

Reference: 

Wang J, Iannotti RJ, Nansel TR (2009) School bullying among adolescents in the United States: physical, verbal, relational, and cyber. J Adolesc Health 45:368–375 

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