Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...everyone is the fairest you jerk!


I guess that I am ready to tackle my own experiences, I have to admit that I have some trepidation because we don't talk about these things very often. It is a good thing I was raised in the south, everybody knows everyone's business! :) 

I have a great friend, I have quite a few but we will call this particular one Bernard. Mostly because I think it a funny name (I apologize to anyone named Bernard...I am sure it is a lovely name to possess). 


So a few weeks ago I was talking to Bernard and I asked him if there was anyone in his area that he was interested in dating and he said that they were some great girls but he wasn't really interested in any of them. He said that he just wasn't really attracted to any of them. We got to talking about attraction. During this Bernard paused and said, "Elaine, I have never met a woman that was not beautiful". I honestly almost cried, in fact I did get a little teary eyed. Those of you who know me are not shocked at all I am sure, because honestly I cry all the time. However, I felt so impressed with my friend that he had such a wonderful view of the world! I wish that every women felt this same way when they looked in the mirror. 


I remember growing up I was a pretty normal kid...tattle tell, a little awkward, and seeking approval. I don't remember how old I was but I remember getting ready for a social gathering. My friend and I were getting ready together. She looked in the mirror and said "I wish I looked like so-and-so, she is so beautiful." I looked in the mirror and opened my mouth to agree with her. However, I looked at my face and notice something shocking...I had locked eyes with myself (don't act like you don't know what I am talking about) and instatntly thought "Who cares about so-and-so I AM beautiful!". 

This might not seem very monumental but trust me it was. See the thing is, I was surprised that I felt pretty. Isn't that awful! All growing up I knew that people loved me. I have a great family who have supported me in everything I have done. They have voiced their love to me and I am so grateful for that! But as I grew up I never once associated myself with beauty. All the models, actresses, and people that were often described as beautiful did not look like me. They looked VERY different from me and yet I still thought that I was beautiful. I did not feel like my peers thought I was pretty. So as I looked in the mirror and noticed that I liked myself I was surprised. It seemed wrong. It seemed like I should detest myself because others detested themselves. I was not what I thought constituted pretty and yet I did. 

I have thought a lot about why I was spared from the self deprecating thoughts that many of my peers dealt with daily. I don't really have an exact answer, but one thing that stands out to me is the examples of the women around me. My mother was always active and she recognized the value of her body due to inherent ability of the body to sustain life and function properly. I can't tell you the number of times that my mother said "You have legs that work!" She was never critical of others and never criticized people's bodies. She was always looking for the beauty in people.

She also taught me from birth that people had value inherently. This is a game changer and this one concept may be the most important thing I have ever been taught. We as humans have value...inherent value purely based on our existence. Thus when I look in the mirror I see value. Not because I am model perfect, because no one is (sit down for this one...not even models are model perfect). I saw value because just as Bernard said, everyone is beautiful! 
This week as you look in the mirror I want you to do two things. 

1. Smile and look for your beauty! I promise that it is there! Really look for it! Look for it in yourself and look for it in others. 


2. Focus on your body's inherent abiltiy to keep you alive! Have you ever really thought about breath...it is amazing! It is absolutely incredible that your lungs work the way they do! Love your lungs for converting oxygen! 



What beauty do you see when you look in the mirror? 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Happy People Just Don't Kill Their husbands



This morning, as I swung out of my bed at 5:30am, I was prepared for a dismal day. I was not looking forward to work, nor swim class, nor homework. However, there are lots of things in life that we do even though we do not want to do. So I gathered my things and headed out the door. Work was pretty blah, but another day another dollar right?

I managed to make it through my shift and headed off to swim class. Today we started working on the back stroke. This may seem really easy...it is NOT! I really struggle trying to concentrate on 17 things at once while also trying not to drown. While I was swimming around a beautiful thing happened; I asked myself what I was thinking and I realized the only things that were upon my mind were breathing, rotation, and attempting a flip turn (which are jolly good fun even though I am horrid at them). I began to think about the happiness of not thinking when suddenly my lane partner bonked into me. It was her fault, but it was still quite startling and I decided I should stop thinking about things that don't matter and focus on survival.

Even though I don't always want to go to the pool or the gym, but while I am there I am ever so glad that I am working too hard to worry about anything else. I am sure that I do not have to stress the health benefits of exercise, but I will mention the most important reason to exercise. "Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don't kill their husbands."
So...there you go...the most important reason to exercise. I am planning on continuing this discussion about exercise later after I have read more literature. I intend to keep up on these things but it does take some time. So look forward to that.

Mostly today I just wanted to talk really briefly about what swimming is to me. I love swimming! It is easy in some ways and hard in others. But most of all for whatever reason I love it! Exercise is one of those things that if you do not enjoy what you are doing it is difficult to keep motivation. What is your swimming? Do you love running, dancing, walking, biking, zumba, or water polo? There are thousands or fun ways to exercise out there! Try a new one. Maybe you will like it, maybe you will hate it. Let's try new ones together! Let me know what you love to do!



Do youlike these snazzy goggles? 

Friday, February 14, 2014

Elaine's Tips on Beauty

I am sorry that I am late this week, It has been a long few days my friends. However, the events of the past few days have given me the idea for our topic today and  I am ready to discuss our next subject! I really do intend to discuss things in some sort of order beginning with child Elaine and moving forward, but that day is not today (I am really quite sporadic in life so why would I expect anything different from my blog). Today let's talk about beauty!
There are a lot of ways that we talk about people. We describe people as tall, short, blonde, brunette, red-head, brown-eyes, blue eyes, round face, square face, long hair, short hair, or beautiful. Now it makes perfect sense to talk about people in this manner because we are usually trying to create a reference for someone else to follow. Instead of saying things like "you know the guy with the face and hair", we try to paint a picture for the listener to follow. If you pay attention you will notice that we talk ALOT about how people look, mostly like I said on a descriptive basis, but some of it is purely opinion based on their appearance. It is not based of fact, but on relative ideas about beauty. As a society put a lot of value on how beautiful a person is. I wish I knew the statistic: how many times are the words Hugh Jackman and sexy used the same sentence and how frequently is Hugh Jackman discussed based on his versatility as an actor. Don't tell Hugh, but I think his rugged beauty is more frequently discussed. I would go so far to say that the general public values ol'Hugh on his attractiveness, although there is much more to him than that.
Every single day, we walk around and associate terms with people that we see. Without batting an eyelash we make judgments about the people we see. We associate the term beauty with a certain person based on their physical appearance. However, I think something else factors into our ideas of beauty. Think about the people that you know. Which ones would you consider beautiful?
I realized as I was thinking about my friends and family, that most of the people I consider beautiful are also really nice people. I am sure that you have noticed that on first acquaintance a person is good looking, but upon longer exposure they become more attractive to you. My friend when she first met her husband she said he was an alright looking fellow. Now they are married and she thinks he is pretty dang attractive. Now you might ask, did he have plastic surgery? Does he constantly wear a mask? Did he steal her glasses? No, not that I am aware of. He is, however, a really nice person and as we all got to know him better he became more attractive.
I believe that as a society we do ourselves a disservice in the way we value people, we put way too much focus on the physical. I also think that people can't help but love a loving person! I truly think one of the most notable things we can do to increase our self-esteem and be more attractive to others is to be internally beautiful. The people that I truly consider beautiful are loving, kind, and most of all caring! People like to be liked, so like people! Treat them like you like them! Don’t forget to like yourself and also treat yourself like you like yourself! I hope that you and yourself have a wonderful week! ;)
(Look, I am wishing you a wonderful week from space! I go to such lengths for y'all!)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Parable of the Drawer


Okay y'all, I have been thinking a great deal about what to write about next. I have talked with people a great deal lately about how to be happy day to day. I agree that having positive self-esteem and living happily day to day are not always synonymous. I would like to quickly point out a few things. I have been learning and reading for a few years now and I have not even come close to really understanding everything. The next thing is that have healthy self-esteem is not a one day job. You can do all the exercises and “finish” the packet, but you still have to live the rest of life. There will be good days and there will be bad days. I have found in my life the most important thing is practice.
Today I heard the most delightful story that expresses the topic of this post. In church today a friend of mine recounted this story, she calls it "The Parable of the Drawer".  I will try to do it justice!

She said, “One day during my mission (she served for 18 months as a proselyting missionary
for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) my companion and I were getting ready for the day. I noticed out of the corner of my eye the dresser that my companion and I shared. The dresser was a simple one with 6 drawers, I used the top 3 and my companion put her things in the bottom 3. I noticed that one drawer was slightly open. I glanced in its direction and saw that inside that dawer all the clothing was nicely folded and organized. In my mind I commented how organized my companion was. She was such a kind person and how fitting that she was organized. I turned away smiling to myself. Suddenly I whirled around and stared at the drawer. It was MY drawer! My clothes all neatly organized. I looked away stunned. First of all I am nice! I instantly began complimenting my companion for her cleanliness. I automatically thought nice things thus I am a nice person. How lovely! I had inadvertently complimented myself. Second of all it was my drawer! I was organized!
If I had recognized my own drawer initially I probably would have instantly chastised myself for leaving it open.”

This is a wonderful example of what we do everyday. We fault ourselves for everything we could have done better and yet we rarely compliment ourselves. For example, yesterday I took a test. I got an 80%. I came home and my roommate asked how my test had gone. I commented that it was alright, she looked at me concerned. I smiled and shook my head, “No,” I said “it was fine. Really I did alright.” Later that day a friend told me that she had also taken a test. She explained that she had scored an 81%. I looked at her and said “That is great! Nice work!”

I realized later, thinking over the day, what I had done. I viewed my own score as a failure because I could have done better, but I was quick to support my friend. I would never tell anyone else that an 80 is a good score but that they could have done better. So why do I do it to myself? We are ridiculously hard on ourselves. We only see how we could have done better, but we do not recognize our successes. This week I want you to focus on your successes. Imagine that your life is the life of a friend, and talk to yourself like you would speak to your friend. Focus on your successes, even if they are small! Really LOOK at your situation and see the good! You need support just as much as the next person so support yourself! It will become more natural as time goes on!