I guess that I am ready to tackle my own experiences, I have to admit that I have some trepidation because we don't talk about these things very often. It is a good thing I was raised in the south, everybody knows everyone's business! :)
I have a great friend, I have quite a few but we will call this particular one Bernard. Mostly because I think it a funny name (I apologize to anyone named Bernard...I am sure it is a lovely name to possess).
So a few weeks ago I was talking to Bernard and I asked him if there was anyone in his area that he was interested in dating and he said that they were some great girls but he wasn't really interested in any of them. He said that he just wasn't really attracted to any of them. We got to talking about attraction. During this Bernard paused and said, "Elaine, I have never met a woman that was not beautiful". I honestly almost cried, in fact I did get a little teary eyed. Those of you who know me are not shocked at all I am sure, because honestly I cry all the time. However, I felt so impressed with my friend that he had such a wonderful view of the world! I wish that every women felt this same way when they looked in the mirror.
I remember growing up I was a pretty normal kid...tattle tell, a little awkward, and seeking approval. I don't remember how old I was but I remember getting ready for a social gathering. My friend and I were getting ready together. She looked in the mirror and said "I wish I looked like so-and-so, she is so beautiful." I looked in the mirror and opened my mouth to agree with her. However, I looked at my face and notice something shocking...I had locked eyes with myself (don't act like you don't know what I am talking about) and instatntly thought "Who cares about so-and-so I AM beautiful!".
This might not seem very monumental but trust me it was. See the thing is, I was surprised that I felt pretty. Isn't that awful! All growing up I knew that people loved me. I have a great family who have supported me in everything I have done. They have voiced their love to me and I am so grateful for that! But as I grew up I never once associated myself with beauty. All the models, actresses, and people that were often described as beautiful did not look like me. They looked VERY different from me and yet I still thought that I was beautiful. I did not feel like my peers thought I was pretty. So as I looked in the mirror and noticed that I liked myself I was surprised. It seemed wrong. It seemed like I should detest myself because others detested themselves. I was not what I thought constituted pretty and yet I did.
I have thought a lot about why I was spared from the self deprecating thoughts that many of my peers dealt with daily. I don't really have an exact answer, but one thing that stands out to me is the examples of the women around me. My mother was always active and she recognized the value of her body due to inherent ability of the body to sustain life and function properly. I can't tell you the number of times that my mother said "You have legs that work!" She was never critical of others and never criticized people's bodies. She was always looking for the beauty in people.
She also taught me from birth that people had value inherently. This is a game changer and this one concept may be the most important thing I have ever been taught. We as humans have value...inherent value purely based on our existence. Thus when I look in the mirror I see value. Not because I am model perfect, because no one is (sit down for this one...not even models are model perfect). I saw value because just as Bernard said, everyone is beautiful!
This week as you look in the mirror I want you to do two things.
1. Smile and look for your beauty! I promise that it is there! Really look for it! Look for it in yourself and look for it in others.
2. Focus on your body's inherent abiltiy to keep you alive! Have you ever really thought about breath...it is amazing! It is absolutely incredible that your lungs work the way they do! Love your lungs for converting oxygen!
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